EXHALE

I’m moving back home! It’s a good news – for my mom mostly, but I am glad that I am going home.

HOWEVER, there’s a lot to do before I could go home. So I am renting a double room in a five bedroom flat right? And my renewed contract is for 12 months – I know how stupid of me, but I thought that I would be able to find work here – anyway, so I’ve been looking all day for possible suitable replacements. IT IS STRESSING ME OUT. And the agency that is holding this property is, well not very professional and nice too, so added stress.

Plus – here’s the cherry on top, it’s THAT time of the month wherein girls are very fragile, crazy, and unpredictable. So I sort of cried a while ago, but you know what, it’s fine. It’s okay to cry and feel weak for a while.  I found that crying for a bit helps a lot in releasing the negative things building up inside – like feeling hopeless, sadness, and anxiousness. Crying and letting your guard down helps to clear it out and get it out of your system.

Then after that weak moment, you will feel ready to tackle the obstacle once again with a clear head.

That’s all for now. I am still tackling my ‘obstacle’ ha. :)

 

Now

I haven’t blogged since July – I think. I’ve been occupied since I got out of uni and I just wanted to share what I’ve been up to.

Firstly, I moved to London. That’s probably the scariest part and it was hard because I had to do it alone – from booking a moving van, booking train tickets and making sure that I arrived before the moving van does, living arrangements, and paying monthly bills. Then a couple of days after I moved to London, I went back home to the Philippines for two months. Those two months were great. I got to spend time with my brothers again, taking the youngest one to school and checking their homework and projects. It was heartbreaking to leave that time.

And now, I’m back in London. I’ve been back for almost three weeks now and it feels like I’ve never even left. It’s a weird feeling but because you are familiar with your surroundings – and made a routine in that environment – it’s easy to adjust back. I also got the opportunity to tour around East London more. There are so many places to see in London – and I am telling you now, for a chill night out go to Shoreditch. (Make sure to visit Bull in a China ShopDrunken MonkeyQueens of Hoxton – Rooftop, and BLOCKShoreditch)

I’m enjoying every site, every experience, and the people I share it with but at the end of the day, I still feel like something is missing. Maybe I miss home, more than I expected to. A part of me wants to explore many more places but a part of me would rather go home and be with the family. It’s part of how I grew up and now I’m craving for the feeling of having the people I love just minutes away. But I know that whatever I’m doing right now, I’m supposed to be doing and it will lead me towards the right path.

Well, anyway, I’ve been reading this really interesting book: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business by Charles Duhigg – it’s a good read. It changed my perspective on how my actions are affecting me now, and how I can alter them to improve my health, productivity, or anything you want to improve in life AND business.

I’ll end it here for now and WILL try to update from time to time. I guess it’s good that I don’t have time to update because it means that I am out there, and I don’t do that very often. I’m proud of myself for that, for interacting with the world – as others would say. Good night!

Fangirl 101

IMG_8981

I was browsing on the internet for things, just random stuff, and came across this website where they sell really cool stuff – especially for fans – from stickers to mugs to bed sheets and posters! How cool is that? So I’ve been waiting for the mail for days, and today I finally got my order of stickers. At first, I was determined to get band stickers and just 5 stickers max. Ended up buying 5 more, and ended up searching for almost all my favourite things!

So I got three Fall Out Boy stickers, one Harry Potter sticker, four Supernatural stickers (cause I am deeply in love with Supernatural) – Stitch in Castiel’s coat as a reference to Supernatural, isn’t it cute? A Central Perk sticker – of course! And one Adventure Time sticker, with reference to Fall Out Boy’s ‘Save Rock and Roll’.

I’m thinking of getting more to completely cover up my Mac. Maybe next time, HIMYM stickers and more band stickers. Oh, loads and loads more of stickers I need to list them down in order of priority. Ha, I don’t think my laptop has enough space for it.

Sorry I’m rambling, even my thoughts are scrambled right now. Anyway, if you want one of those lovely stickers or something else, I suggest going to RedBubble (WARNING: visit website at your own risk, possibility of addiction). I am so glad that I didn’t have a credit card, or else I would be in trouble with debt by now.

The World in the eyes of a Parent

Okay, I may not be a mother now but I do get the idea of taking care of a child because of my two baby brothers. I may not have worked so hard to get them into this world, but I do get the feeling of being so protective of them too.

It is hard being a parent, let alone be a single parent.

When I was a teenager, about 13 or 14, I usually got irritated and mad at my mom (like all teenagers do) when I don’t get to hang out with my friends somewhere, or when she would not allow me to go to school on my own when everyone else was allowed to. I never got the logic before of why she was too overprotective and I usually felt like she never trusted me with absolutely ANYTHING. You know, the typical teen angst thing.

When I finally got into college, she allowed me more and more to go out with friends. She even allowed me – against her will of course cause she had no choice – to commute to school, which was a bus and two jeep (a Philippine public transportation) ride getting there and around 20mins walk. She started giving me responsibilities when it comes to my brothers and that’s around the time that I was starting to understand her decisions before.

Now that I am 21 (ha, I would like to think that I have matured at this point), I finally realised that she’d always trusted ME, it’s the world and the strangers around me that she didn’t trust. She could not bear with the thought that I would get myself into a negative situation and would not be able to defend myself or be back home for that matter. I realised that parents will always, and I mean ALWAYS – EVEN IF YOU ARE 50 YEARS OLD, be worried and be protective of you no matter what. In their point of view, you will always be this precious little thing that is so fragile and so blissful that it makes them this overprotective, sort-of-paranoid detectives that are always on your case. It is what they do.

Because of this upbringing, I also realised that I am always cautious too when traveling from one place to another. It’s funny, to be honest.

I wanted to share this because I got inspired by my mom. I am temporarily in the UK, thousands of miles from her, and she still worries about me even when she has so many things to worry about there. She still tells me to keep several copies of my passport, IDs, and keep emergency cash. She still reminds me to check a place before going and still reminds me to be cautious of my surroundings, AND I AM 21.

So teens, please give your parents a break. I know you do not understand now, but eventually you will. Just try and avoid getting into heated arguments that are not even worth losing your relationship with your parents for.

Love you mom. And I want you to know, I am safe.

Speaking of Songs..

I am a HUGE fan of OneRepublic. They have this track “Something I Need” and it was played over and over again on the radio back in the Philippines. And since I am a huge fan, I know the lyrics to the song, so when I heard the one played on the radio, I got confused. Kudos to the cover though, he fooled my ears, I did not recognize that it was not Ryan Tedder (slightly) but when it reached the high part that’s when I knew. That’s when I realised that it was not OneRepublic’s version.

Now I say version because other artists does covers and want to interpret the song in their own way.

HOWEVER, seeing the video on YouTube with this title: Ben Haenow – Something I Need, it kind of got me a little pissed off.

Cause you see, there’s a difference between ‘BY’ and ‘COVERED BY’

And it’s one of those pet peeves I guess when credit it not given to whom it is due.

Some may already assume that Something I Need is by that guy but he only changed the part “if we only die once, I wanna die with you” to “if we only live once, I wanna live with you” so technically, it’s not your original song still..

So for those of you WHO DON’T KNOW, Something I Need is BY OneRepublic.

I mean, I respect that the guy wanted to express and interpret it the way he felt. But it’s just a personal thing.

I am a little pissed off because this relates to another frustration of mine. Underrated bands and artists that are far more talented than what we see nowadays.

It might sound bias and unreasonable, I don’t know, but that’s my opinion and you can have your own.

That one perfect song..

I finally found the song.

I’ve heard it before somewhere but I cannot, for my life, remember where and today I found it!

I was just looking at random videos and then I felt like listening to La Vie En Rose, and just like that *snaps fingers* it showed up. Waltzed into my life like a sweet sweet bubble gum flavored ice cream on a beautiful breezy summer day on the beach. Magically swept me off my feet. I know, not making any sense right now because I am freaking out over this song.

Will let you decide for yourselves of course. :)

Hope you enjoy!

What are you really scared of?

Edge Of The World by DeviantArt user drakmin (http://drakmin.deviantart.com) under Photography/ People & Portraits/ Fashion Portraits

Sometimes we use the word ‘scared’ lightly because it can pertain to anything, from being scared of spiders to being scared of the dark. There are different levels of being ‘scared.’

I have been thinking about the things that makes me scared – and not in the light, being scared of cockroaches (which I am) by the way. I thought about what makes me terrified – scared that I do not think I can overcome. I wouldn’t say that I am not scared of dying – cause I am. I wouldn’t say that I am not scared of death – cause I am. But what I realized is why I am scared of dying or death. I am terrified of what I would be losing and gaining all at once.

I would be losing the world, the ability to use my senses and be in the world that we know.

I would be losing the physical capability to be around my loved ones.

I would be losing time.

I would be losing the privilege to absorb the beauty of the world.

However, I am most terrified of what comes next..

I do not believe that in death, nothing comes next. I would like to believe that, when one passes – there’s still a next chapter.

So maybe I am scared of not knowing at all?

What about you? What are you scared of?

Over Easter Break: Philippines, Assessments, and A hint of Cough Syrup

As the title above indicates, this post is mostly about my trip back home, the assessments I have to face now, and cough syrup because I am currently sick – which is unusual because I was fine before I arrived back in Chester.

Philippines. Ah yes, home. It was such an amazing feeling to be back home – even for only 10 days. I enjoyed it so much that it was devastating to leave again. Home was still the same, nothing much changed. A couple of new restaurants and hang out places opened up inside our favourite commercial place (BF Homes, Paranaque City). It is packed with restaurants and café’s, tea hubs and juice bars left and right that it is impossible to choose where to go to first. It’s probably a good idea to list all of them and visit each one like a bucket list – that’s how commercial it is, and people (from the south) love it!

So when I went back home, I met up with friends during my first 5 days. Different group of friends for each day, it was fun and exhausting at the same time – not exhausted by the people, but of the travel. Driving around and doing physical activities tire me out quickly (no surprise there, haha). Then my last days during my stay, my family and I went to Subic! We always visit Subic but it never gets old. It’s a nice place to relax and it’s like home. Funny thing about the stay there, I’ve been driving for almost 3 years but never have I gotten in trouble or got a violation, HOWEVER – I got my FIRST EVER violation in Subic, the policeman probably felt bad about me having to line up and pay for a violation I clearly did not know about, so he just gave me a warning. OF ALL THE PLACE I COULD GET A VIOLATION, I could’ve gotten something from Makati where it’s a strict city discipline, but then again traffic laws in Subic are not the same as the traffic laws in the city.

So that was my trip back home. I felt so sad while flying back to Chester. It was a heavy feeling, leaving everyone you love and everything you know for the second time. The first time was exciting because you had no idea whatsoever what was going to happen and what was out there, but now that you’ve gotten that experience, it’s just heavy to leave.

Now onto Assessments. I have two assessments due on April 28 and 29, I think. One presentation on the 27th. Two reaction papers on May, I think. I’m not even keeping track of my deadlines, that’s how much of a student I am. Ha, mom would be so proud (sarcasm). BUT I would like to argue that I’m not really a typical good student. I don’t like working HARD. I like to work when inspired to do so, motivated to actually come up with words and do the work. If you force something, it would all feel so fake and bull. So I am doing it while I’m somewhat motivated. I keep waking up early ever since I arrived to why not take advantage of it.

I went into town to get some books for my International and Global Marketing module. Books on japanese culture because it was difficult to find journal articles and academic reviews on them when it’s so general. While I was walking, some gardeners (I’m assuming), were working on the lawn of the Chester Cathedral. The smell of the freshly cut grass reminded me about the present. Reminded me about the things that inspire me. Little things that do inspire me – which is why I am writing now. If you haven’t noticed already, I have a pattern in writing for my blog – I only do it when I have something to share. Most of the time, I just lack the inspiration to do so these past few months.

I guess that’s it for today, this has become one lengthy post and I wouldn’t want anyone to die of boredom (if anyone is actually reading this – terribly sorry)

What’s a post without a video from Youtube. Enjoy!

Song 28 or 29: King For a Day

I know this is a bit heavy than what I usually post on my infinite playlist, but the lyrics of this particular song is just good that I had to consider it.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a music that I liked, so here it is. And Kellin Quinn’s voice is – well impossible to even comprehend how he does it – but amazing and beautiful as well.

Cheers!

“I’m tired of begging for the things that I want, I’m over sleeping like a dog on the floor”

Cringe-worthy Memories, you are the BEST.

Today started out quite well. I told myself that starting tomorrow (because I am a procrastinator) that I would get my sh..stuff together, I would create schedules, I would get my body clock running right and have a healthy, balanced lifestyle. It’s something I wanted to do ages ago, but because I am lazy as well (perfect combination huh, procrastinator and a lazy bum, well well) I have’t done it. So I noticed that I do feel like my life lately has been a series of blurred scenes, that’s when I wanted to get my act together. I’m addicted – highly addicted – to watching TV series (I watch 2 seasons in one night, that’s how serious it is) and I sleep at 8AM, which is when other people get up. I don’t know, but it feels so boring to have a routinely schedule of when you have to wake up, go to school or work, do something other than school or work, then sleep. My habit, HOWEVER, has affected my attention in class, how I feel about myself, and how I interact with others (whenever I DO go out because, duh, I’m in my room all day and night – TV series).

Oops. Off-topic, jeez. Ok, back to what I WANTED to share. I went out today to get my *drum roll* ARCTIC MONKEYS SHIRT. FINALLY, it arrived. I was extremely excited about it. Then as I was walking back to the dorm, I realised my mom asked me to check my bank account because she sent my budget for the next two to three weeks again. Afterwards, I had a sudden craving for a coffee from this really hipster, cool, and friendly coffee shop (which I’m not going to name because..well, wait for the rest of the story).

So there I was getting a flat white – and the barista was quite cute too – and I was completely aware of that. When I was about to pay, there were two other guys behind me waiting for their turn to pay for their drinks. Damn they were cute too. So, surrounded by these cute and really attractive guys, the barista (with his accent) was asking me about something. Here’s the really funny part, I DID NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT HE SAID. And so I asked him to repeat it, but even as he repeated the words, I DID NOT UNDERSTAND IT THE SECOND TIME AROUND. It was so embarrassing because as he gave me my change back he was kind of holding his laughter. Which I kind of laughed as well because why the hell not, you looked stupid anyhow. HAHAHA, so yeah. Oh God I hope I don’t see those guys EVER again.

It was so cringe-worthy that as I was walking back home, I kept cringing and half smiling and thinking to myself what he was asking me! DEAR LORD I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT MY STUPIDITY. HAHAHAHA

So yeah that’s it. So if you thought something happened to you today, just remember to laugh at yourself in the end. Nothing you could do about it anymore anyway. HAHAHAHA, no but seriously, I want to lock myself up for being so stupid earlier.

So without further ado, I leave you with State Champs’ Critical: